Negotiating: Lessons Learned Throughout My Career

By Mary Lucy Lester, Senior Vice President, Southeast Market Manager, Commercial Real Estate at Capital One

My career in CRE began nearly 25 years ago as a new MBA graduate with zero experience in CRE lending.  I started as an Associate/Junior Relationship Manager and was immediately sent through a credit training program.  Upon completion of the program, I started with the CRE team, supporting a Senior Relationship Manager as well as managing my own small portfolio of loans.  I thought I had arrived in the world, yet at the same time knew nothing about what I was doing. 

Fortunately, through bank mergers and acquisitions, my job within the bank changed, and I built up my knowledge of the CRE lending space.  I wore multiple hats including underwriter, asset manager, credit officer and relationship manager.  Through this evolution of my role, my appreciation for each “leg” of the stool that is CRE was grounded – and my abilities to learn the art of negotiation were born. 

Early in my career, one of the major challenges in negotiating was the inherent power dynamics resulting from often being the youngest person in the room. Regardless of my position (UW, AM or RM), I was more passive in my approach, afraid that my lack of experience might make my position seem weak. I overcame this fear by constantly educating myself on the technical side of CRE lending and gaining a deeper understanding of the structure in the deals we discussed. The more knowledge I gained, the more confident I became in my negotiation stance. I also sought feedback from more experienced colleagues and mentors, learning how to frame my points clearly and assertively while remaining open to collaboration.

Through these experiences, I learned to negotiate from different perspectives, using trial and error and observing others. Early on, I was fortunate to be surrounded by seasoned professionals, including Senior Relationship Managers and Credit Officers who demonstrated strong negotiation techniques – from handling difficult clients or to protecting the bank's interests while staying flexible in the negotiation. I also attended workshops and training sessions focused on negotiation skills. I spent countless hours with our attorneys, educating myself on each aspect of our documentation. 

But the real growth came when I started engaging in negotiations myself, learning the importance of preparation, flexibility and listening. Over time, I developed my own style, incorporating patience and empathy into my approach while also being firm when necessary.

Here are some best practices I’ve learned along the way that can help as you develop your own style.